Про­вер­ка эс­се IELTS (Writing Task 2)

Essay Task (IELTS Academic Writing Task 2)

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.

Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

(source: British council)

Student’s Answer

Today many parents face a problem regarding the choice of their children’s education. Some of them consider only school options while others hesitate. Home study has many advantages including a personal educational program and comfortable habitual conditions. However, school education is still considered more convenient despite a lot of difficulties and psychological problems. Here, we will discuss both options of children’s education.

Studying at home is a new modern way of getting knowledge. First, it allows children to learn information in a comfortable condition. They do not need to spend time on their way to school, hurry on a bus station, feel uncomfortable in a crowded vehicle, etc. The second advantage is that children become the central focus of the teacher’s attention and they receive information that was specified and prepared only for them. In home conditions, a child will never be the last of the class which means that they will never be the worst student and face bullying or judgmental opinions from other children.

However, despite the mentioned advantages, school education is still more popular among children and parents. The first argument is that school is a good place for children’s social development. In school, children learn how to interact with other children during class and break time, and how to behave with teachers or other adults. The most important point is that children find out that society has a hierarchical structure and that their classmates come from different families with different possibilities. According to many psychological studies, children that receive home education usually discover a low level of social skills that makes them vulnerable in front of life experience. Other advantages include bright incomparable life experience, getting new friends, multiple class activities, competitions, etc.

Thus, both types of education have something special and essential. In my opinion, it would be better to teach children at a modern school that incorporates features of home study, such as special education programs and teachers with high qualification, and features of a good school as a place with different children with different abilities and level knowledge. Parents should consider all possibilities and disadvantages of each type of education before making such an important decision.

Performance Report

Task Response

• The parts about the advantages of home schooling and traditional schooling (paragraphs 2 and 3) are addressed appropriately, with extended and supported ideas, well done! However, your opinion (paragraph 4) could have been explained better. First, it is not very clear what ‘a modern school that incorporates features of home study' is (a blended learning school?). Second, why is it better to teach children at such a school? When attending it, which method of schooling should be chosen (at home or traditional)? What would the choice depend on? Develop your argument and draw a relevant conclusion. This conclusion (Parents should consider all possibilities and disadvantages of each type of education before making such an important decision) seems vague because it does not give answers to the previous questions.

(Honestly, I’d find it easier to stick to one side: home schooling or going to school. But this is up to you, of course. Any position works as long as you explain and support it).

• Another thing that should be changed is your thesis statement (Here, we will discuss both options of children’s education). The task says Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Your thesis does not reflect the fact you will present your opinion. You may, in fact, state your opinion in your thesis. If you chose to argue for traditional schooling, you could write something like

Although homeschooling has considerable advantages, I believe school experience is better for children because it helps them acquire essential social skills.

• Avoid simply throwing some ideas at the reader without any explanation. Look at the last sentence of paragraph 2:

Other advantages include bright incomparable life experience, getting new friends, multiple class activities, competitions, etc.

Why are these advantages? Why have you decided to put them together in one sentence? Perhaps it’d be better to write about one component from the list, explaining the benefit.

Coherence and Cohesion

Paragraphing is used appropriately, and most of the cohesive devices are.

Information and ideas are logically organized, especially in the first 2 paragraphs. In paragraph 3, this sentence

According to many psychological studies, children that receive home education usually discover a low level of social skills that makes them vulnerable in front of life experience.

comes out of the blue, since in paragraph 3 you are writing about advantages of traditional schooling. I’d delete it (OR write it in a different place) and explain the previous sentence instead (remember, your are proving that school is a good place for children’s social development)

The most important point is that children find out that society has a hierarchical structure and that their classmates come from different families with different possibilities. This understanding of society will empower them later to navigate social environments.

Lexical Resource

The resource is generally adequate and appropriate for the task. The meaning is generally clear.

• Basic vocabulary

For Band 7, try to use more ‘less common/ idiomatic words'. Example: school is a good place for children’s social development → schools foster children’s social development.

• Collocation

Thus, both types of education have something special and essential.

These two adjectives don’t sound well together. You may say something like ‘have their own benefits'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

A mix of complex and simple sentences is used. The majority of the sentences are error-free.

• Collocation

Avoid overusing ‘to be'

However, despite the mentioned advantages, school education is still more popular among children and parents. The first argument is that school is a good place for children’s social development.

Possible fix:

To begin, schools play a crucial role in fostering children’s social development.

Possible Score (overall): 6.5

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